What tears I have shed
in loss of dream upon dream
so many wandering desires have been mine
I am dizzy
in search of them
of love in every corner
of power and of sparkling things
whilst I remain a pillar
talented, brave, intelligent, sweet
always kind and wise beyond defeat
worldly in exceptional taste
while maintaining Christian simplicity,
searching for prudence
To be a Christian, it goes against every leaning
For who willingly dies?
my searching won't seem to find Christ
Every feeling revolts
No I would rather soon live my pagan dreams
than truly live as he calls
or die trying to be a "Saint"
and I wander the earth and its ideas
embracing what beauties come my way
I am so easily charmed
even when left undone
I am exhausted
Oh Giver of life
do I dare come, eat, drink free of charge
--only this
to die first?
